As of Late

What is there really to say about the tragedy that happened in Boston on Monday?  It effects each of us, in different ways.  In ways we can’t possibly understand, comprehend or (for some of us) cope with.  We may have known a runner, or no one at all.   We may feel deeply, personally connected to the events and it may rock our sense of safety.  

No matter what you feel or who you are, it is safe to say that all of our hearts go out to everyone who has been touched by this awful event.  

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This week for me has been an exception to last week.  Last week I was waking early, full of energy and hap-hap-happy!  This week some sort of bug (or allergies) has hit me full force and I feel as though I have been walking around in a daze only now seeing my way out of the fog.

Monday I woke up with a burning chest and a horrible sore throat and wanted nothing more than to just crawl under the covers and sleep all day but, alas, there was work to be done.  I could tell that whatever was ailing me likely wasn’t contagious and wasn’t horrible enough to call out, so I trekked to work and had a pretty good day.

I repeated that Tuesday and Wednesday and today, Thursday, I feel a little bit more like myself.  My head is still a little heavy, but my chest isn’t burning and my throat isn’t as sore, so it seems like the medicine I started choking down yesterday is working.  Just in time for the weekend too!!!

Dan has been great this week at nursing me back to health.  My appetite has been a little off so I’ve been sticking to some pretty basic eats.

Don’t forget the orange juice!

I’ve been pretty much eating boring foods, sleeping a bunch and just hanging out with this guy.

Hoping to feel better for the weekend!  Almost Friday, thank goodness!

XOXO

M

Rainy Friday and Product Review

What happened to this?

Blue skies and a gratuitous picture of our lemon (no, not lime) tree.

From clear skies and lunch outside on the porch.

To cold, dreary and damp.

Last night when I got home from work the weather was exactly that, so I huddled under a blanket on the bed and let Dan know that a walk would not be happening, no way no how.  He had some errant work stuff to deal with, so I snuggled under the blanket on our bed and channel surfed until dinner time.

I ran to Trader Joe’s this weekend while Dan was working, which is an out of the ordinary trip for me.  As much as I want to fawn and love over their store, I’m not a fan of their pre-packaged products , which seem to be the core part of their store.  On a ridiculous lack of self control note, I also stay away because I spend much more money there than I would during any other normal grocery trip.

I was, however, pleasantly surprised at some of the deals I got last week, including frozen fruit and produce, which may make it a trip worth taking every once in a while.  I also picked up a frozen meal from them, the True Thai Pad See Ew.  At 130 calories per 3/4 cup, I figured it would be a great meal to have on hand and bulk up with vegetables and maybe some light protein (tofu or shrimp).  Of course, it would have been more valuable for me to look at the “Servings Per Container” information because I probably would have realized that even 2 servings of this meal wouldn’t be enough to fill me up.

I wouldn’t really recommend this product for 2 reasons.  (1) It wasn’t all that tasty and (2) it’s not nearly enough bang for your buck.  I ended up eating the ENTIRE frozen entree by myself, even after adding broccoli and a few small shrimp to my meal.  Just not worth it.

Dan and I finished the night out with some Thursday night TV (gosh I love Parks and Rec more with every episode that airs) and called it a relatively quiet night.

When I woke up this morning the sun was still no where to be found and I could hear the rain pitter pattering on the ground.

I don’t know how I got out of bed this morning (actually, yes I do–Dan kicked me out) but I was able to get up and complete a workout before work this morning!  On a rainy day too!

Now, only a workday stands between myself, the weekend, and Wedding Dress Shopping!!!!!!

Happy Weekend y’all!!!

Spring Has Sprung

Feels like Spring is finally here!  The birds are chirping in the morning, the sun is shining in our windows, and there’s a general feeling of lightness that has been missing for the past several months.

Dan and I have been trying to wake up earlier in the morning, and we’re both in the same place of wanting to change our diets and our health.  We’re getting married in 8 months and we both want to (vainly) look and feel great on our wedding day.  Getting up earlier in the morning is difficult for both of us.  I start work at 9:00 a.m. and live about 6 blocks from work.  I used to constantly oversleep for my old job (probably because I hated it) so waking up late and making a mad dash to get ready is a horrible habit I have.   Dan’s job doesn’t really start until late morning or noon at the earliest, so it’s not like we’re both heading to our cars at 8:00 a.m.  Hence, the constant dance we do snoozing the alarm and puttering around the house when we really should be taking advantage of the early morning.

This morning we were supposed to go for a walk, but ended up laying in bed talking and falling in and out of sleep until 8:00 a.m. (EEP!!!).  The weather looks beautiful so I think we will head out of the house after work and go for a nice long walk before dinner.  I can’t get enough of these beautiful sunny days and cool nights!

Of course, no matter how late we wake up in the morning, Dan still does his soon-to-be husband duty of making my breakfast while I get ready for work and packing it up in my to-go tupperware.

He’s been doing it for years and, to be quite honest, I’m not sure what exactly I would eat if he didn’t make it for me.  Lame, yes.  But he’s been doing it for so long it’s just a part of our morning routine.  That, and coffee.  Always, always coffee!

Hopefully the sun is still shining and the birds are still chirping come 5:00 p.m. so Dan and I can enjoy another after work walk on the path.

Here’s hoping the rain/storm from last night stays far far away.  Or at least far away until I’m cozied up on my couch in sweatpants.

Cold and Dark

This winter has been….tiring.

The dreariness.

The cold.

The days without sun.

I know I shouldn’t complain.  I live in New Jersey and have my entire life.  I’ve been through 30 winters.  Snow, sleet, ice, dark nights, rainy days, the bitter cold.  But it doesn’t make it any better, ya know?  Any easier to deal with.  You can arm yourself against a lot of things, though a season isn’t one of them.  Winter is tricky too, because it starts out SO FUN.  It gets cold and then there’s Thanksgiving, a truly favorite holiday of mine.  Then there’s picking out a Christmas tree and buying gifts for family a friends.  There’s time together with loved ones near and far on Christmas, and parties and laughter on New Years Eve.  And then…it stops.  Sometimes the end of the holiday whirlwind feels nice.  Nice to get back into old routines, make new resolutions and just relax.

And then it feels like time is at a standstill.  Because there are no fabulous parties in January.  No one gives you presents in February unless it’s your birthday (or maybe if you’re a President).

I’m also at the point where I’ve spent so much time indoors that every little thing is starting to drive me crazy.

Why are the cats staring at me?

Is that a speck of dust?

Did someone just make a noise?

I’m hungry.

I’m full.

I’m cold.

I’m tired.

I am officially annoying to be around.  I’m a hibernating bear ready to attack anyone who bothers me.  Or sleepily paw at their faces and tell them to go away.

I saw blue skies for the first time in MONTHS yesterday.  It felt like the angels were singing.  Birds were, literally, chirping.  We are 10 days and some odd hours away from daylight savings.  20 days from the official start of Spring.

Grey skies are gonna clear up.  I’ll be sure to (finally) put on a happy face.

Weekend Happenings

I say it every single time–so here’s warning you it won’t be any different every single time.  The weekend goes by far too fast.  It’s Friday night, then Saturday afternoon flies by, we want to relax the night away and then Sunday passes in the blink of an eye.  It’s a far cry from the work week, which can sometimes (always) seem interminable.

Friday night Dan and I set off to a friend’s house for a dinner party.  Our friends M and R recently bought a house and we participated in their move (I use the word participated, because I basically did as little as possible).  It was the first time we saw the house fully moved in and everything looked absolutely beautiful.  They also have a pool so our friendship just increased by about 1million.  Summer was rough last year in New Jersey and I can’t wait to take full advantage of their very kind offers to “just stop by”.  I have a feeling some people may be regretting their generosity come August.

Saturday we slept in (ahhhhhhhhhh) and enjoyed coffee and Kindle in bed.

We all enjoyed the downtime.

Dan had some manly project to do at his parent’s house on Saturday mid-morning, so I headed to the food store.  Although Dan usually heads to the store for us, he had an unusually busy day on Friday so I grabbed my notebook and headed to Shoprite myself while he was occupied with home renovations.  Since I’ve been to the store hundred of times, I was in and out pretty fast.

We spent the afternoon just laying around and found ourselves overly hungry at dinnertime since we neglected to eat breakfast and each ate a light lunch.  I desperately wanted to go to Verizon since my phone has not only been on the fritz, but I broke it about 1 month into my new ownership, so I was sincerely hoping Verizon would offer to replace my phone at no cost.  It ended up being a ridiculous quest because it was obvious to EVERY Verizon employee that I was just looking for an easy out to my silly mistake of breaking my screen.  Our Verizon store is next to a Chilis and although that’s normally not our restaurant of choice (we prefer local places since we can walk around town) we had a gift card so decided to just indulge our hungry stomachs.  I settled on the Mango-Lime Tilapia and Dan opted for the Burger with Bacon.  We had a great time people watching (our favorite!) and just enjoying a night out together.  Without the distraction of media Dan and I often have our favorite fun conversations while out.  I think a lot of times it reminds us of our first dates, and our first summer together which was a whirlwind and full of amazing memories.  We went to bed laughing and talking and it was one of my favorite nights in a long time.

Sunday morning Dan had basketball plans so I enjoyed some oatmeal in bed (so weird, but I love eating in bed) and I geared my rear up for my Dad’s birthday celebration.  I made Mujaddara which is my absolute obsession lately.  It’s cheap, easy and incredibly filling.

I eat meat, but not very often (though I do eat fish quite often), so I was in charge of the vegetarian dish for dinner.  My sister (S) and brother-in-law (G) are vegetarians but, sadly, they came down with a quick and furious case of the flu so couldn’t enjoy dinner.  Mujaddara for the next time then!

We had a wonderful time with my parents, brothers and significant others.  Whenever I see my brothers I want to squeeze them tight and tell them to never let go.  They might be my younger brothers, but they rule my heart in a way they will never ever know.  Spending time with my family is a huge bubble of laughter that rises inside of me and falls into my heart.  Everything I am resides within them.

When we arrived home from my parent’s house we  immediately flipped on the Golden Globes and I gabbed during the red carpet as Dan tried to take the nominations seriously.  When it was apparent that wasn’t going to happen I made a family decision to play a drinking game!  It lasted about 30 minutes since we’re old and lazy.

It’s been an amazing weekend filled with friends, family and time to just be.  I am thankful once again for everything I have.  Here’s to an amazing week!

What We’re Eating

Thursday night.  So close to the weekend, what a tease.  I enjoy spending Thursday nights meal planning because I can usually wrangle Dan to go to the grocery store on Friday since he’s able to work from home in the morning and has the afternoons free.

Although I actually enjoy the act of food shopping (save for an abandoned cart in Wegman’s last weekend), it’s nice that Dan gets it out of the way for us before the weekend so we can just focus on the time we have together.

So I sat last night just me myself and I, with a glass of wine, my ever present Camelback and a comforting candle and made up our menu for this week.

Here’s what we’re eating:

Friday: Out (Dinner Party at a Friend’s House)

Saturday: Seared Scallops, Butternut Squash Risotto

Sunday: Out (Birthday Dinner for my Dad)

Monday: Tempeh Tacos 

Tuesday: Crockpot Chicken Drumsticks, Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans

Wednesday: Wild Rice and Cranberry Soup

Thursday: Turkey Burger and Fries for Dan, Baked Garlic Shrimp with Broccoli and Roasted Potatoes for me.

So that’s our plan for the week!  I always have Dan pick up a frozen pizza he likes (cheaper than takeout) in case something goes awry, but generally we’ve been really sticking to our meals plans and curbing our enthusiasm for ordering.

I’m planning on making a batch of Mujaddarrah for lunches throughout the week, Dan has leftovers and I’ve been craving savory oats for breakfast so I feel pretty confident that I can satisfy our cravings and stick to a budget.

Happy Weekend!

Over

2012 has passed.  The year is gone, and I couldn’t be happier.

2012 will always be the year that Dan and I got engaged.  On a chilly October evening where he invited my nearest and dearest to be a part of something so special, so filled with love.  As time fades, that is how I will define the year and it will sound *so happy* to everyone else.  Because it was a happy moment.  The happiest of my life so far in fact.  I will remember 2012 like that as the past grows dimmer, and not in the other ways it filled and drained my soul. There is a part of that memory that feels cheap and wrong though.  Wrong to ignore all the rest.  The grey days and the fights.  The sadness and loneliness I felt.  The changes to my body and mind.

In 2012 I ate too much, I drank too much, I cried too much.  I let myself get too lonely.  I stayed in my head longer than anyone ever should.  I took pills to avoid the pain because I knew no other way.  I huddled in my bed to avoid the outside world.  I sat more than I moved.  I found a friend in food.  The kind of friend who puts you down only to pull herself back up.  I drank because it made me happier and funnier and I felt a little bit of who I was.  I lost myself and only stumbled into the light late in the year.

2012 is the year I was not.

I’ll probably forget all the laughter and kindness.  The long walks on a Saturday afternoon.  The love I felt from those nearest and dearest to me.  The fact that I did, here and there, try to find myself again.  The fact that I did, eventually, feel relief.

It paints an ugly picture of the past year, but I’m not sure what point it would serve to ignore that and pretend it didn’t happen.  So I’m embracing it for now and learning from the year that wasn’t.

So far 2013, in it’s 10 days, feels cleaner, lighter, happier, healthier and just more fun.  It sounds silly to already claim this year as better than last, since so little of it has come and gone, but there’s just something different about me.  That’s really what the difference is.  Not the new calendars and the shiny self proclamations of a new year.  It’s me.

I feel like I can finally breathe again.

Experiment [GROW]

 

4: experiment [GROW]

What did you do in 2012 that you had never done before? Will you do it again?

I guess I’m not as exciting a person as I thought, because I can’t come up with a single “new” thing I did this year that would prompt the question of whether or not I would do it again.  Either that or I have a very poor memory.

Stay [LISTEN]

3: stay [LISTEN]

How did you stay in the moment this year?

This is a really difficult question to answer.  Difficult because I don’t think I did stay in the moment this year, at any point, at all.  This year was filled with a lot of anticipation.

At the end of 2011, Dan had just taken on a new job opportunity that was well overdue.  2012 brought the beginning of changes as Dan settled into his job and we adjusted our expectations with respect to, well, everything.  I say it often because I believe it, but growing up is really really hard.   The difficulties rear their ugly head for everyone in different ways.  For me, big decisions often leave me crippled and my head tends to run in every single direction.  Dan’s new job brought both the good and the bad with it, and it was really hard to deal with the constant influx of emotions.  I would say that I spent most of 2012 either looking back or looking forward.

I’d like to make more of a conscious effort to be here, right now, but it’s something I’ve struggled with f.o.r.e.v.e.r.  I’m lucky to have someone in my life who centers me and helps me focus on the now, but being present in this very moment is something I need to work on.